Book review - When Your Parent Becomes Your Child by Ken Abraham

Wow - that is the only word I can use to describe this book.  Even though I haven't had a lot of sleep in the last few days and I should have gone to bed early tonight, when I came across the title of this book in an email from booksneeze.com I knew I had to read it.  My own mother is developing dementia, and so I wanted to read this book to try to make sense of what is happening to her.  I downloaded the book immediately, and "couldn't put it down" (or whatever the equivalent is for an e-book).

One part I found the most touching in this book is where Ken is telling his daughter why he visits his mother in her nursing home each day.  "We don’t visit Grandma Minnie because it is convenient. We come because she loved us before we were even born, and now it is our turn to express unconditional love back to her. We don’t come because it is the easy or fun thing to do; we come because it is the right thing to do."

I have a mother-in-law who lives in a low care facility in my home town, merely 2 blocks away from my house, but I haven't visited her for weeks, other than taking her to church with us each week.  Why?  I'm not sure.  Partly because the place is depressing, partly because of some of the staff members, partly because every time I take my children there, they are noisy or disobedient and the manager has a go at me, partly because I hate seeing Betty like this (even though she doesn't have dementia, she had a stroke 2 years ago and her memory is not always the best).  But Ken's book is a timely reminder from God about my responsibility to my mother and mother-in-law.

Ken talks about his mother's deterioration as her dementia takes hold of her, with humour, love and sensitivity.  At times I found the story quite depressing, it doesn't get better, just worse.  But if there is one thing to hold onto, it is that Ken's mother never lost her faith in Jesus, even when she lost other faculties.

Interspersed with the account of his mother's journey with dementia, Ken has included some of his diary entries, and photographs of his mother.  I found these to be touching reminders of the person he was writing about.  This is not some made-up story, this is the real story of his mother.  It is obvious that Ken loved his mother very deeply, and that his mother loved Jesus more.  Ken states "I wasn’t forced to take care of my mom as she journeyed through dementia; I was glad to do so. I did the best I could to honor my mother, fulfilling my responsibilities as a son" - and I believe him.

This is not just a story of the sadness of watching a parent with dementia, although it is certainly sad, and I read the last few chapters with tears rolling down my cheeks.  It is a story of triumph, of never losing faith in Jesus, of the reward that awaits those who faithfully follow Him.

This isn't an easy book to read, it's a hard subject to have to face.  But I would encourage anyone who has a parent facing dementia to read it and be encouraged.

Disclosure: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. 

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