Farewell, my friend Jane

I said goodbye to a friend on Saturday, at Jane's funeral.  Jane's son and my daughter have been in the same class together since Prep, and are in Year 2 together this year.  I don't remember meeting Jane, but I used to see her all the time at school.  She had the most amazing smile.  I don't remember ever seeing her not smiling.  Even when her boys were playing up, she would be complaining about their behaviour, but she would still be smiling.


Jane's death shocked and saddened our whole community.  She was swept away in the floods that have engulfed our town, while trying to help friends sandbag their home.  I thank God that her eldest son was saved, but I've cried many, many tears for her and her family this week.  It's such a waste of a life, and such a tragedy for her husband and two little boys, as well as her extended family and friends.


I was talking to another friend this week about Jane.  I said I felt strange calling her a friend, because we never went out to coffee, never rang each other up, never exchanged gifts.  My friend said she felt the same, almost hypocritical, calling her a friend.  But at her funeral, her husband said Jane didn't have acquaintances, only friends, and I knew then that she had felt the same way that I had, that we were friends.


Jane and I used to do class help together in first term last year.  The teacher always gave Jane the messy jobs that I didn't like doing - things like shaving cream painting.  We used to laugh and she would say "why do I get all the messy jobs?" and I would say "just lucky!"  Then after the class was over, we would walk over to the office together to sign out, and I would be just about pulling my hair out over the behaviour of some of the kids (especially her son!) and she would be laughing about it.  I helped out at homework club at the school for a while last year too, and both her sons used to go.  I helped my daughter's age group, and Jane's son would always be mucking around, saying silly things, drawing pictures instead of doing his work.  She would come and get them at 4 o'clock and I would say "how do you cope???" and she would laugh.


She told me about her son's temper, and I told her about my daughter's.  I had never seen him act like that .... but one day we were down town and I saw Jane trying to control him, and she looked at me and shook her head, and said "see what I mean?" with that big smile of hers.  We'd compare notes about our husbands, how they both thought we just couldn't cope with the kids when they acted like that, and we both used to say "he has NO idea.....".  I've thought about that a lot this week, wondering how her husband is going to cope alone.


One of the last times I saw Jane was at the town pool with the boys and her mum in the school holidays.  I was swimming with my kids, and she and her mum were sitting at the end of the pool watching the kids.  I swam over to say hello and she introduced me to her mum.  Her mother had come out to look after the boys while Jane went back to work.  I told her how my kids were driving me nuts in the holidays, fighting all the time, and Jane said her boys were the same, and she had brought them to the pool to try and wear them out.  She said "I can't wait to get back to work tomorrow", and I knew what she meant.  She loved her children dearly, but we both found it exhausting putting up with their squabbling.


I can remember at the school fete last year going up to Jane and saying, "YOUR son taught MY daughter the farting song" in a disgusted tone (although very much tongue in cheek).  She turned to me and laughed with that beautiful smile that I am going to miss so much.  When my daughter started school this year I looked around her class to see who was there, saw Jane's son and thought "oh no" because he is always playing the fool, and making my daughter laugh with some silly antic.  Then on day 3 when they were seated next to each other I thought "oh no" again..... I wondered why she was always put in the same class as him.... but now I think I know.  I saw Jane that day and said hello, but we didn't get a chance to chat.  All the children were busy putting their things away and finding their desks, and we were taking photos and trying to get out the door quickly so class could start.


I'd often see Jane picking the boys up from school.  She and I lived one block apart, and she was only one block from the school, so she would walk down to get them.  For a while I would see the boys walk home by themselves last year with her standing on the footpath looking out for them, but then I think they must have been misbehaving, because she started to come and get them again.  I'd always say hello to the boys and they would say hello in that "we really don't want to talk to you but we have to" kind of way that kids do so well.  


Jane was wild and crazy at times.  We became facebook friends, and I would see photos of her at the races, looking like she was having the time of her life.  Her profile pic is of her beautiful smile, and I see that face everywhere I look.  It's made me realise how important our facebook profile pics are, because if something ever happens, that's what the media steals and uses.


Jane would have been 40 this year.  I bet she had a huge party planned.  I wouldn't have been going to the party, but I would have looked at the photos on facebook, I would have wished her a happy birthday on her facebook "wall", I would have laughed with her at what she got up to.  Those are the kinds of things I am going to miss.  The little chats in the afternoon about the kids, seeing her around town.


Her husband did such an amazing job at the funeral of delivering her eulogy.  He has tons of support and he said he isn't afraid to use it.  I want to be part of that support.  I want to try and help those kids to have a great life.  At the moment I think their life sucks.  No child should ever lose a parent.  But I want to do this for Jane.  I want to say to Jane, I'll make sure they are ok.  Even typing that sounds stupid.  I'm not close friends with the family, and I have only met her husband once.  But I want those boys to be happy - the way Jane would have wanted them to be happy.  I want my daughter to be friends with her son, and now instead of thinking "oh no", I want to encourage that friendship.  I want him to grow up knowing he can rely on my daughter if he needs a friend.  I think it's harder for boys (and men).  They think they are supposed to be the tough ones.  But these little boys are going to need all the friends they can get.


I want to pray for them.  At the moment I am just too sad to pray.  I've said a few "Lord please comfort them" type prayers, but every time I think of them (including now), I just bawl my eyes out.  Life sucks sometimes.  I don't know why she died.  I don't know why she drove into that water.  She wasn't stupid, she wouldn't have done it if she thought there was any danger in it, especially with her eldest son in the car with her.  I also want to pray for those brave men who tried to rescue her.  I can't imagine what they are going through, with the thought that they couldn't save her.  Thank God they did save her son though.  


I don't have any answers for why this happened.  There are just some things that we will never know.  I am sure she is in heaven, and that I will get to see her again.  Not because of the things she did, not because of the amazing person she was, but because she said "yes" to Jesus.  We are all going to die one day, not one of us will escape.  But what matters is how we live our lives, and how we respond to Jesus.  He is waiting for every single one of us, and when we meet him, he will wipe away all our tears in heaven.  What an amazing thought!


Bye Jane, thank you for being my friend.  I'll see you another day.........